Tag Archives: Four Loves

Love Isn’t Always a Chick-Flick

I finished reading The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis while riding a bus into downtown Seattle. I told you a month ago that I bought this book at Powell’s Books by a friend’s recommendation. It was a good read with plenty to think about on every page, so it takes some time even though it is only 141 pages. My strategy was to read a few pages at a time while eating breakfast, or riding the bus when I only had half a chapter to go.

If you’ve never heard of this book, C. S. Lewis describes and analyzes the four main categories of love that humans experience. He calls these: affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

  • Affection generally applies to relationships like between parents and their children where the love is demonstrated as care and concern. In these relationships, affection is taken for granted and assumed to be something inherently deserved (a parent is expected to care for the child).
  • Friendship is usually seen between members of the same gender, according to Lewis, and it forms because the friends find something in common that separates them from other people (like stamp collecting or the dream to start a petting zoo).
  • While friendship is focused on some common outward direction, Lewis calls an inward-focused love “eros.” “When I spoke of Friends as side by side or shoulder to shoulder I was pointing a necessary contrast between their posture and that of the lovers whom we picture face to face,” Lewis writes. Romantic lovers share eros. When we talk about “falling in love,” we mean “eros.”
  • Finally, there’s charity. Out of the four loves, Lewis says this is the only one that doesn’t come naturally. It instead comes directly by God’s grace to be either given or received.

Charity is probably the one love our culture commonly ignores beyond the rest. Listening to popular music and watching recent movies, it would seem as if we worshiped eros. Interestingly, Lewis says friendship is equal to eros and as necessary. Affection, too, is important. But above these, charity deserves the most notice, if only for its distinctiveness of coming directly from God.

God is compared to the roles of a Father, a Friend, and a Lover, but he actually shares charity with us instead of any of the other loves in our world. Often, he loves us in this way through other people. “In reality we all need at times, some of us at most times, that Charity from others which, being Love Himself in them, loves the unlovable,” says Lewis. “But this, though a sort of love we need, is not the sort we want. We want to be loved for our cleverness, beauty, generosity, fairness, usefulness.” So even though charity surpasses the other loves, and in fact, imitates the love of God himself, it’s still the one we neglect.

God is love, and Lewis says, “He communicates to men a share of His own Gift-love.” Charity seeks the good for a loved one that the loved one may not necessarily want or ask for, but it is no less good for the loved one. And with charity, we have the grace to love anyone even despite lacking anything that could make them deserving of love. “Divine Gift-love in the man enables him to love what is not naturally lovable; lepers, criminals, enemies, morons, the sulky, the superior and the sneering,” says Lewis.

We also have grace to love God back. “There is of course a sense in which no one can give to God anything which is not already His; and if it is already His what have you given?” says Lewis. “But since it is only too obvious that we can withhold ourselves, our wills and hearts, from God, we can, in that sense, also give them.” That’s what Christianity is all about, isn’t it? To be loved by God and to love him back?

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Posted by on June 29, 2012 in Books


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Road Trip Thoughts and Powell’s Books

Again, I must apologize for an unannounced hiatus. I graduated from Whitworth University on May 13 and only now could breathe from the final sprint before graduation. Of course, homework and my internship don’t sound like much of an excuse to put off a commitment to regularly update my blog. But then again, a student majoring in Journalism with a Theology minor tends to get overwhelmed with reading books and writing about them, so I feel the hiatus was justified. It’s not like I was being lazy.

Guilt aside, a road trip after graduation also felt well-deserved. I toured Washington’s west coast in a week-long, whirlwind trip with eight other students from a prayer group at Whitworth. “Prayer group?” you ask. Yes, these guys are Jesus Freaks like I’ve never met before. The group started a year ago in Spring semester to pray together every night for each other as well as the whole campus. I got introduced to the group in January and have made close, hopefully lifelong friends. Not everyone from the group could make it to the road trip, but to give you a taste of how wonderful these people are, I’ll tell you we spent a week together in a 12-seat van and still loved each other by the time we separated. No one complained or fought even once. We laughed, we prayed, we shared everything (food, water, sleeping bags, etc.), and felt blessed through it all. That briefly describes the group and our trip without fully explaining the powerful experience of knowing these people and living with them for a week.

But that is a story too long to share here, so I will continue to what is related to this blog. Most of the people who went on the trip are book lovers. This meant every time we saw a bookstore, we’d have to fight the temptation to lose several hours inside. While we didn’t allow ourselves to get distracted, we did schedule in a drive to Portland for the purpose of visiting Powell’s Books. If you have never heard of Powell’s Books, it is book heaven. You can find anything that interests you within its several floors and color-coded sections. I’ve visited Powell’s once before, and both times, I managed to lose all of my available time within the “Christianity” bookshelves.

This time, I got caught up examining the C. S. Lewis shelves with one of the other students. He kept pulling out books he recommended for me, but I couldn’t buy them all. Even a C. S. Lewis fan has to budget her money. I did leave with a used copy of The Four Loves, though. More on that once I finish reading it.

Something else that caught my eye at Powell’s was their new “Espresso Book Machine,” which prints books in the store on demand. A pamphlet about the press explains, “The EBM is a dynamic new tool for both readers and authors alike, providing opportunities throughout the community to anyone who wishes to print their own writing or simply obtain a difficult-to-find book.” Powell’s takes orders either in the store or at ondemandbooks.comWhile we were there, the EBM started printing a WWII journal a man had that belonged to his grandfather. A crowd gathered around the machine to watch the book come together. Even with the rising popularity of e-books, there’s still demand for real paper books.

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Posted by on May 22, 2012 in Other thoughts


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